Week two of life without social media (on my phone).
““You need to live a life you can cope with, not the one that other people want.” ”
Vacation with part of the family.
“You need to live a life you can cope with, not the one that other people want.” Katherine May author of Wintering
When I read that quote, I had to step back for a minute and think about the areas of life I am struggling to cope with, and how much of that is influenced by what others (mainly society and individuals that have no actual say or interaction with my everyday life) want or expect of me.
This led me to make a social media post about the decision to take some time to re-evaluate my relationship with social media. I have wanted to do this for years and years. I was always discouraged by the people closest to me because it was “something you enjoy” and “people resonated with your writing.”
Both are true, but I enjoy social media similarly to the way someone with an alcohol addiction loves alcohol in the moment but hates how it impacts the other areas of their life. I love social media in the moment but hate the amount of life I don’t even notice because my face is in my phone.
It is true that people do resonate with what I write. But social media is such a fickle place that it no longer encourages well-rounded thought-out post or story lines. If it is not short and sweet, give up on anyone seeing it. And let’s talk about the chance of you offending a fact checker…your business page could be sent to Facebook jail. From a business and investment perspective, it’s like building a house with your own sweat equity and money on leased property. It’s yours, but not really.
I have always been intrigued by some of the responses people have when I state that I am stepping back. That topic will be saved for another blog post because it is a great reflection into the expectations society places on women to please and not let other people down, regardless of the consequences on their health and overall enjoyment of life. Today, I want to share a little bit about why I decided to take social media off my phone.
Hi, my name is Heidi, and I am a people watcher. Always have been. As a first grader I was pulled from a small private school and placed in the local and very overcrowded public school. I promptly started failing simply because I watched all the mayhem in the classroom. That was much more interesting than the schoolwork in front of me. Luckily, I had wise parents and they pulled me out of public school and homeschooled me all the way through high school. There is nothing wrong with being a people watcher. One counselor reminded me that we are hard wired to look for danger in order to stay safe. And people watching is a way of checking to make sure people are safe before engaging. This is especially true if you grew up in a strict religious home where you were taught Satan and sin were lurking behind every stop sign and social exchange. (I exaggerate, but only by a little.)
So, when I opened my Facebook account, I knew there was potential for issues. I opened it purely “to market my business” and I had the mental agreement with myself that if I ever closed Nourishing Practices, I would leave social media. The truth is though, I am, at my core, an entrepreneur and will never not have a business venture in the works. So social media and I must come to an agreement of sorts.
Social media has been beneficial in many ways, I have met cool people, learned of events that I would have not known about otherwise, but all of this has had a great cost. Mainly to the tune of roughly 4 plus hours a day of my time. Not all at once, but the few minutes here and there. I would check text messages or simply pick up the phone to go to another room, and without realizing, I would often find myself scrolling.
I consumed much more than I created on social media. Over time the regular emails I sent out ceased. The birthday cards I mailed out to clients and friends stopped because I had wished them happy birthday on Facebook. The networking meetings got fewer as I would tell myself “Just post online and do something else with that time.”
While the world felt larger through the lens of social media, it was getting smaller and my business and mental health was suffering. The business was suffering because to be honest it is not easy to get your content in front of the people that need it. The algorithms are always changing and so are the trends. My most popular Reels on Instagram were less than 15 seconds. As you can see from this one blog post, I am a storyteller. In a world where I teach women to use their voice, to take up space, to refuse to make themselves smaller for the comfort of others, to condense myself to 15 seconds or less to stay relevant feels like sacrilege. It induces feelings of rebellion. So, I am rebelling. Sorta.
There is a saying in the entrepreneurial and social media world that goes like this “You can do it all and still be behind.” Meaning you will never stay up on all the new trends or what the algorithm wants no matter what you do. Technology and demand is simply advancing faster than we can keep up. This constant demand and progression is moving faster than our nervous systems can evolve to handle. But, our brains don’t quite understand this and that demand leads to an undercurrent of constant anxiety. And people experience this anxiety in different ways. For some it is the feeling that they never create enough content for their business. Others fall into the “compare and despair” trap, comparing their lives to the highlight reels of everyone else’s life. For years, I fell into the first category, but recently, I found myself doing both. So, I decided to make a change. I can be an “all-or-nothing” person, and my gut response was to disable all social media accounts and completely disappear. But, after years of coaching clients to not have an all or nothing approach with food and lifestyle, I decided to take the same advice I give them and approach the situation with curiosity. How would it feel to just start with taking apps off my phone?
Well, let me tell you. It was very similar to facing life sober for the first time in years. There were a couple of days, I walked around not quite sure what to do with myself since I wasn’t looking at everything from the point of view that “Oh, I should be filming this. It would be great content.” There were days I broke down and cried because I now had to face some things I had been numbing out and ignoring by scrolling. I unconsciously attempted to pick fights to get that dopamine and adrenaline rush that usually came from being on the phone. The first few days was a constant picking up of the phone up and putting it back down, only highlighting how many times a day I picked it up to see what was going on. That slowly faded. I enjoyed a weekend trip to the coast with my mom and some of my siblings. Being fully present was truly a gift to myself that I relished. I will admit there was a mental battle of trying to justify putting the apps back on my phone because it was vacation and I “deserved to relax.” I resisted, and do not regret that decision. I do want to be transparent that I am not sure how this experimental journey will go, or for how long. I do know that in this moment, I am healthier for it, my business is healthier for it, my finances are healthier for it and so are all of my personal relationships.
While Internet and social media addiction are not currently recognized as a psychiatric disorder by the DSM-5 (the book mental health providers use to diagnose psychiatric disorders), as a social worker, I suspect this will change in the future. This type of addiction would fall under the “Behavioral Addiction” category much like gambling, compulsive buying and binge eating. According to the Clinical Textbook of Addictive Disorders, behavioral addictions have many similar core qualities as substance addictions: (1) repetitive or compulsive engagement in behavior despite adverse consequences; diminished control over problematic behavior; an appetitive urge or craving state prior to engagement in the problematic; a hedonic quality during the performance of problematic behavior. These features have led to the description of behavioral addictions as “addictions without the drug.” The book goes on to state that “Emerging biological data, such as those identifying common genetic contributions to alcohol use and gambling disorders, and common brain activity changes underlying gambling urges and drug cravings provide further support for a shared relationship between GD (gambling and behavior disorders) and SUD’s (substance abuse disorders).” Basically, if you have a genetic predisposition to alcohol or any substance abuse, you may also be more susceptible to unhealthy relationships with food, finances, and internet usage.
Wrapping things up here, at this time, I will continue to have a social media presence, just not through my phone. The computer does not seem to invoke the same addictive tendencies that my phone does.
I hope you begin to explore the things that keep you from being present in the moment and living your most nourished life. I would love to hear your thoughts. And if you need coaching around any of what was mentioned in this post, you can schedule an appointment through this link. https://l.bttr.to/cXju6
Unplugging from the matrix for the day.
Stay nourished and curious my friend,
Heidi
Disclaimer: I am not qualified to diagnose or treat mental health conditions. I am qualified to help you with behavior changes that will lead to an increased sense of well-being and nourished life.